Beauty in Brokenness

I went to church less than ten times this year.

For me, church has always been a priority but I quietly watched online and grieved a life that I no longer had. I would constantly hear my Nanny Wilkie's voice, "If it doesn't keep you from work, it shouldn't keep you from church," over and over in my head. Quite honestly, some days I should have stayed home from work, too. This year has humbled me in many ways and I will no longer think ill of those who choose to not go to church when they are enduring personal tragedies. Instead I will choose to be a source of support and love --just like those who have shown love and grace to me over the last year.

I'm glad the year is coming to an end. 2024 was not a good year for me in a lot of ways but I have experienced good things. Things that would've never happened without the bad. So, in lieu of complaining about the negative, here are list of good things I experienced during one of the darkest years I have ever had:

I feel the need to say that these are in NO particular order.

• I got new furntiture. I hated my brown leather furniture and thanks to my brother, I am now sitting on my new cream colored sofa set.

• I finally completed my hallway project that I have been wanting to do for years. I can't even begin to explain the transformation but it looks good and I am proud of myself.

• I started a boutique that I've wanted to for over two years. I have no idea what I'm doing most days but I do enjoy it.

• I chose to partake in EMDR therapy vs regular talk therapy. It works. This was the first year I really dove into therapy for me and the change has been so worth it.

• I met someone who chose to love me during my healing. I could not have ever expected this. For the wrong person, even your best won't be enough. For the right person, even your worst won't be too much. Or however the saying goes--you get the idea.

• I've spent countless nights rubbing my sons back and watching him sleep peacefully.

• I started my Christmas Village collection (thanks, mama).

• I found myself laughing more. In fact, I found myself again.

• I was able to visit Boston again and see two of my friends get married.

• My family and friends have all shown up for me in ways I will absolutely never forget. Not once have I felt judged by anyone close to me.

• I finally accepted what God has for me will not pass me by. I am not big enough or important enough to ruin the plans he has for me.

There are many more but these are a few that came to mind instantly. This isn't to say I didn't have hard times because I did. Healing isn't fun. Learning to love yourself again is hard and I still have big prayers that weigh incredibly heavy on my heart that I am waiting for the Lord to answer. Waiting is hard.

As I reflect on this year, I am reminded that growth often comes from discomfort and that beauty can emerge from brokenness. While 2024 may not have been the year I wanted, it was the year I needed to begin rebuilding, reshaping, and rediscovering. Each moment of struggle brought me closer to the person I am becoming—a version of myself that leans more into faith, love, and grace.

So, as I step into 2025, I do so with a heart softened by experience and strengthened by hope. I know the hard days aren’t over, but I also know that joy and healing are still ahead. And for that, I am grateful. Here's to embracing the journey, trusting the process, and finding the beauty in every chapter—no matter how messy it may be.