Being Present

This past April, I traveled to Boston for my graduate school graduation and as my friend Breanna was dropping us off at the Charlotte airport, she looked at me and made me turn off my email notifications. Why? Because I'm a workaholic and my brain never shuts off. Not being able to unplug has impacted me in so many negative ways that recently, I've had no other choice but to draw harsh boundaries.

I wish there was an easy "How to be present in life" guide that provided little to no backlash or hard molding moments but there isn't. In Boston, I quickly realized how nice it was to be able to leave work at work and something as simple as turning off my email notifications provided me that peace. I also felt guilty.

Wife-guilt, mom-guilt...it's all VERY real. I've learned to use these moments as boundary markers. Did I want to be the wife/parent who was a slave to her email? No. Okay, how do I fix it? Turn it off. Great. Got it. Problem solved! Anytime I found myself in a situation where the outcome was me being less than the wife or mom I wanted to be, I sat down and thought about how can I make sure this doesn't happen again; what new line do I have to draw? If you know me, you know I am involved in so many different community efforts and it stems from my heart of servitude, but I've realized I can't say yes to everything because that often means my family is getting the no. For me in this season of life, that's just not acceptable.

I turned off the emails, I stepped down from a few positions and stopped saying yes to some, but I was still really struggling with being in the present moment. I've realized, being present in the moment has everything to do with disciplining your thoughts and whew--it has been quite the journey for me. It wasn't enough to physically take away distractions; I had to learn how to control my thoughts.

A few months ago, I began to intentionally write out my prayers every morning and night. Sometimes I would find myself rushing so I could get on to the next thing, but I forced myself to sit down and talk to God without interruption. I got to work early and stayed up late to make it happen. Two sacrifices that have completely changed my current journey on being in the present moment. In my prayer journal, I began asking God to help me be present and to help me say yes to serving my family before anyone else. He completely changed my heart on this in just a few short months. Sometimes it really is as simple as asking God to help you.

I love to say, "God will give you opportunities to do the right thing." Recently, He has given me plenty of opportunities to choose my family first. It has not been easy. Be ready to fight for your desire to be present. I've gotten eye rolls, snide comments from those in my professional circle because I have started to draw harsh boundaries when it's family time. Those reactions have caused me to express extreme self-control so, maybe God thinks I need to work on that too. Love His sense of humor.

I give 500% percent when I'm at work (because work ethic is important!) but once the workday is done, so am I. But guess what? Those who matter have seen a difference and not only do they love present Ariel but they have encouraged me to draw these boundaries. This journey to being present has drawn me closer to my husband, weeded out friendships that didn't need to be there, and has allowed me to spend more time with God and my quiet time with God has made my vision for my life that much clearer.

Y'all, it has been a win win situation over here! I won't lie, it has been difficult, but I find hope in knowing that one day these choices will be second nature, they'll be easier to make. So, if you're on this journey or feeling as though you are struggling with being present, please know you are not the only one. I invite you to intentionally pray to God about it and to help you, here's a prayer I wrote down at the beginning of my journey:

"Lord, my mind is completely exhausted and in overdrive all the time. Why? I don't think this is sustainable or the kind of life you want for me. Please help me to slow down, to see the beauty in not being busy. Give me the desire to serve my family, to say yes to them first before anyone else. I ask you give me the strength to say no to others and help me to control my mind and my thoughts."

Sometimes, it really is that simple. If you want someone to pray for you, you know I'm happy to stand in the gap for you, my friend!