Bring your own chair

I love Shirley Chisholm's quote, " If they don't give you a seat at the table, bring a folding chair." Shirley Chisholm was the first Black congresswoman and the first woman and African American to run for the Democratic presidential nomination in 1972. I'm not getting political on this post but if anyone knows anything about bringing your own chair, it's Shirley.

It is 2023, women are still the minority in leadership but rather than complaining about the inequalities, let's focus on actionable steps we can take to make sure we have a seat at the table and what it means to bring your own.

1. You need to know your worth. Sounds easy, right? Wrong. I've only been in corporate America for roughly 4 years, and I can tell you I have had to give myself peptalks in the morning before meetings to make sure my best, most effective and confident-self walked into that meeting room. Years ago, I would've said nothing, and no one could make me question what I bring to the table and, looking back, I was being naive. None of us are bullet proof but good news, you are capable of reminding yourself just how worthy you are.

2. Pick and choose your battles. Not every hill is yours to climb and if you don't adopt that way of thinking, you will quickly become the token spokesperson. I know this because I became that. It's exhausting and can quickly put you in a box you don't deserve to be in. It is so important to know your goals and be strategic about them. I would constantly speak up on issues if I saw one, offer a solution or advice so much so I began to tire myself out. I am a fixer by nature, it came naturally but a mentor once told me, "Just because you know something, doesn't mean you have to act on it." Now, I am not telling you to turn a blind eye to blatant evil doings, but it is okay sit back and let the circumstances work themselves out. You sitting back makes one of two things happen: A. It gives space for others to speak up or B. It sheds light on the real issue.

3. Not every table is meant for you. Hard pill to swallow, but there's truth to this. It will take you some time to figure this one out but there will come a day where you realize you don't want to be at certain tables, and it is more than okay to remove yourself from them. If you find your voice isn't being heard, opinion valued, or if you've lost interest, it is probably time to leave. Do not let the fear of missing out keep you at a table that is draining your energy. I promise you there is a table where you will be welcomed with open arms. We go through seasons of life where we are meant to fulfill certain roles and just as in nature, those seasons come to a close.

4. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Okay maybe this is also a hard pill to swallow. You have got to be okay with stepping outside of your comfort zone. If you aren't you will always be on the outside looking in--wishing, you were doing what others are. I don't think this experience is talked about enough. The idea is thrown out there, sure, but no one gets down to the nitty gritty about how absolutely crappy it can feel to be in a season of growth. You will feel isolated, maybe a little less than, and as if nothing is going right. There were many days I would drive home in silence because mentally I could not process the day I'd just had. I was FED UP bringing my own chair to the table and ready to throw in the towel, but I hunkered down, took a lot of deep breaths and decided to keep going.

5. Find your allies. Maybe your ally is your best friend or, maybe they're someone you only know on a professional level. I am lucky enough to find allyship in a lot of my friends. A few months ago, I found myself in a meeting where I was the only woman. I could have made a big deal about it but instead I chose to sit back, listen, and offer my opinion when needed. I was thankful to be there and even more thankful for my male friends (allies) who made a point to invite me to the conversation because let's be honest, we need men just as much as they need us. People want to see you succeed! Sometimes you just have to find them!

That's it, y'all. It's a messy world out there for those who want to better themselves and make new paths. You will fall, scrape your knees a few times, make A LOT of mistakes but, if you're intentional enough, you will meet amazing people, become a better version of yourself and realize you are building the life you want!