Lay it all down

"She never cared for the crown. She preferred a sword." I read that quote late one night while scrolling through Pinterest and I felt something go, "Ooh, yes." Instantly I resonated with the words glaring on the screen. Maybe you know me in real life, maybe you don't but for those that do, I think they'd all agree that I do not mind a good fight and I do not scare easy.

It took me a long time to find the beauty in my willingness to go to war without hesitation for people and things I cared about. To speak when no one else would, voice an opinion I knew many did not care to hear. It took me even longer to realize not all battles are mine to fight and I am still learning to put my sword down and allow God to do what he promises: "You must not fear them, for the Lord your God Himself fights for you." Deuteronomy 3:22

For a long time, I equated my absence of fear to my willingness to fight. Because God gave me a spirit of courage that must mean I had to fight every battle thrown at me...right? No! I had it all wrong!

There is nothing wrong with being the kind of woman who carries a sword around.

Unless God is asking you to lay it down.

In my case, He's been asking for a long time.

I'm a doer, a fixer. I can't sit still for longer than 5 minutes unless I am engrossed in a novel or project. I constantly feel as though there is something I should be doing. My brain never shuts down. If you're the kind of person who can spend all day in bed and feel no regrets--I envy you! Such an amazing superpower that I do not possess.

Lately, I feel like I've done nothing but wield a sword and it has been exhausting. Putting out fire after fire, solving this problem, that problem both personally and professionally. The hits kept coming and I admitted to myself, as I walked to down the sidewalk in the freezing rain to my graduate school graduation, that I was tired of fighting. White flag waving.

I was reminded not every battle is mine to fight. Reflecting on those words and asking God for clarification, I began to see the battles he is trying to fight for me but can't because I won't get out of the way. Days later I was faced with a situation that I would've normally inserted myself, explaining away, fighting; but I didn't. I took a step back and thought, "God will work this out for me." And He will. I am unsure how but looking back at how God has richly blessed me and placed me in conversations, meetings, board rooms that I have no business being in--how could his ways not be better than mine?

It is hard to lay it all down, to surrender, because for me I feel like I am doing nothing when in reality, I am doing everything-- stepping aside so God can do what he wants. Often times God is simply asking us to lay it all down. I am reminded of the song "Lay it All Down" by United Pursuit...go check it out!

Whatever brick wall you find yourself facing, try stepping aside and letting God work his miracle.

You can do this!